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My aversion towards black men is really a hatred of self.
When young black people talk about culture, there is a tendency to view white culture as better and black culture as inferior.
We are the villain, the big bad wolf in everyone’s fairy tale.
I say ‘we’ because as a black woman, the first thing I must realise is that any hate that’s flowing towards a black man is touching me too. I cannot separate the world’s perception of black men from what it means to be a black person.
Hurt speaks way louder than platitudes like, ‘There are good black men out there. What is helpful is looking deeper and exploring why some black women feel like white men are the only viable life partners.
For a long time that’s how I felt about black men and that’s how many young black women feel today.
We’ve seen our mothers cry over the hurt of discovering yet another affair and have witnessed them covering up the bruises in makeup.
Some have had the benefit of having been raised by a good, loving and trustworthy black man.
Some have had the benefit of a responsible black father. We fear repeating the same pattern of relationship that we saw growing up and consciously or subconsciously we have made the decision that the only way to prevent that is by marrying someone as different as possible to our fathers. But you need to realise that it does not matter what colour the man you marry is, that fear is something that you will carry in to your marriage.